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BBR Marketing Takes On Stupid Corporate Lingo
By Bonnie Buol Ruszczyk
Someone had to say something, and I guess it falls to us at BBR Marketing. When I asked Kelly to look into this looming epidemic, I had no idea how insidious its expansion had become. We both hope that a frank public dialogue will help end the scourge of this silent message killer.
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by Kelly Googe Lucas, Marketing and Social Media Manager, BBR Marketing
There is a serious affliction that is spreading rampantly across the United States. For the longest time, no one really knew what to do to stem the spread of this disease, until now. I am talking about the disease known as stupidosis corporatus lingiosis, or in layman’s terms, stupid corporate lingo. You know exactly what I’m talking about, those pompous, multi-syllabic, often vague terms thrown about in Websites, marketing brochures and elevator speeches. They are (over)used to showcase the exceptional services and fantastic products a company or firm offers. The problem is that often these terms only serve to confuse the reader. How many times have you been on a Website that used terminology that looked smart and sophisticated, but once you were done reading, you had no idea what the company does or sells? And let’s be honest, most of those words just sound plain silly. Synergy? Really?
The most effective way to market your company is to come straight out and say what you do. Don’t beat around the bush with fancy-sounding words; just get to the point. You want your audience to understand you immediately. So to help you overcome that which is stupid corporate lingo, we at BBR Marketing are going to do some translations.
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Synergy
Translation: Working together
Doesn’t we work well together sound a lot less stupid than we have synergy?
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Scalable
Translation: Easily upgradable or easy to upgrade
Most people who aren’t techies have to ask what scalable means, but everyone know what upgrade means. No explanations needed. [UPDATE] We’ve received feedback that scalable is not stupid corporate lingo but is actually a word that describes a specific technical ability. While it may sound like it belongs to this list, according to our reader’s description and translation (below in the comments), it is a legit term, which I can now add to my repertoire. Thank you Patti for helping to clarify!
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Vertical integration
Translation: Owning all aspects of the product/service chain, from “soup to nuts”
The first few times I heard this term, I faked that I knew what it meant. If someone had just said we’ll own the process from concept through distribution, that would have made a lot more sense.
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Turn-key
Translation: Product that is ready to go
Just say our products are ready to implement immediately, no additional set up needed or simply, our products are ready to go. See how clear that is?
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Proprietary
Translation: Exclusive, trademarked, branded
I think most people know what this means, but it just sounds stuffy. Why not just say our trademarked software instead? Then everyone knows what it means, not just most.
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Mission Critical
Translation: Important, necessary
This isn’t NASA; it’s an office. Just say something is incredibly important or absolutely necessary to be successful.
Stupid Corporate Lingo: Intergalactic Consulting Practices
Translation: ?????
Yes, I’m serious. This was thrown out in a meeting at a friend’s office. We’re still trying to figure this one out.
What do you think? What words drive you crazy? Or are we way off base here? I want to hear what you think!
I can agree with all of your examples but one – in technospeak “scalable” actually has a true and important meaning. According to Wikipedia (whose definition is a good as any) scalable means “the ability of a system, network, or process, to handle growing amounts of work in a graceful manner or its ability to be enlarged to accommodate that growth”. It is used to refer to the ability to accommodate more people or more traffic or more something,usually by adding hardware. It is not generally used to talk about “upgrading”, which is what you are trying to avoid. If you want a nontechie equivalent statement try “can it take more people/traffic/whatever?”.
Good to know, Patti. Sounds like we oversimplified that one.
Thank you for your reply, and thank you for clarifying. Your description now makes absolute sense. When I once asked a techie friend what scalable meant, the reply I received was “just think of it as upgrading,” and I thought, well why don’t you just say upgrading then? Based on your description, you are absolutely right, scalable is a necessary descriptor, not a fluffy word that sounds cool. I will be sure to make an update to the blog post.
Thanks, BBR, for addressing this nauseating epidemic. Excessive exposure to business-speak buzzwords can lead to a horrifying medical condition known as synergistic leverage poisoning. It’s a tragically under-diagnosed malady, and becoming more common. Please network responsibly.
Great article, I love that someone is calling out the terms. One of my favorite most recent terms I’ve heard is “business propulsion” .. yeah, seriously 🙂
[…] to BBR Marketing’s Kelly Googe Lucas for taking on stupid corporate lingo! This is a horrible disease that has afflicted corporate communication for far too long. Please do […]
Good post Kelly, I agree, especially with vertical integration.
[…] recently did a post on stupid corporate lingo and received quite a positive response. It appears that we at BBR Marketing are not the only ones […]
[…] recently did a post on stupid corporate lingo and received quite a positive response. It appears that we at BBR Marketing are not the only ones […]
[…] lingo never rests, even at the holidays. As a continuation of our series on Stupid Corporate Lingo (Parts 1 & 2), we would like to offer you the 12 Days of Corporate Christmas from the site Words, […]
[…] jargon and buzzwords that should really just die already. We did it here, and here, oh, and here, and then there’s this one, this one, and this one too. These posts tend to get quite a few […]
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